So, I did it. I finally quit my job.
It probably sounds like its on impulse (esp. for those who haven't heard from me for a while and those who find out that I'm leaving without another job or concrete plan in hand) but it really isn't. Its been brewing for a long long while. I guess with all the changes and flux that's gone on in my life in the last 2 years, I took a while to make up my mind. I waited for that much stronger desire to move on. And it finally came to me.
For those of you I've not told - I work in a sucky organisation. I've known that for the last 2 years. Other than the fact that they pay you well and pay you back for all your work expenses (I used to have to argue for my work-related expenses to be given back to me in my previous workplace - but that's a separate story), and give you a great space to sit in (with great chairs and a glorious view of the bay), everything else SUCKS. The office politics is nuts coz the bosses are all smiling tigers, there are cat fights amongst bosses breaking out left right and centre, my supervisors are lazy beyond belief (we do the work for them, they dun do work - they "SUPERVISE" *roll eyes*), we get verbally abused on a daily basis via email/in person, which makes the the work more frustrating than it actually is, and they really work you to your grave (even through your MC) and still drive in the nail of not appreciating anything you've done for them. And if they ever tell you at your interview that the organisation structure is "very flat" and there's this thing called "matrix reporting" to give you a more fair assessment and to meet business objectives better - be afraid.... be VERY afraid. =P
So, everyone asks - how the hell did i end up staying here for so long? And considering that I can lose at least 1-2 colleagues every month for the last 2 years (not forgetting whole departments who've resigned en mass - quite impressive I must say). But anyway, I digress. The reasons why I stay, are because I work with an extraordinary team of co-workers who are unbelievably talented, smart and willing to work hard and as a team. They've been my support, the people I run to when in need, and the people I can count on through the toughest of times be it in work or in our personal lives. We've laughed and cried with one another through lunches and dinners, pregnancies and miscarriages, loves won and lost, worked alongside each other till there's absolutely nothing left in our bodies to give but will still extend help when needed, taken each other's late night calls for help. We've had our disagreements and work quibbles, but at the end of the day, hey, I know I can trust them coz they're almost like family. I stay too coz there's a sentimental value I attach to this workplace - I was one of the 160 who came out of a bigger organisation to build this one from little into what it is today. And as much as I dislike what its become, I did still help build the place and there is a distinct sense of pride to that. There'd always be memories I'd always treasure and keep close to my heart.
I'm expecting to be much sadder that I'm leaving this place, but at the same time, I feel so free and liberated for the first time in a long time. A strong sense of relief and yes, even joy. Almost as if I've been carrying a burden/bondage on me for the last 2 years of my life, and that's just been lifted off my shoulders. You cannot imagine the no. of people who have congratulated me as a result of this - I mean, what is the world coming to??!!
I've lost count of the no. of times I've gone to cell meetings and church retreats where I come back again to this same issue of forgiving those who've hurt me in the workplace and the personal remarks they've made about me. I know how everyone says its never personal, just business. Rubbish. You spend so much time in the workplace and so much of your energy and time, how can you ever say its NOT personal?? I've been to so many job interviews in the last year, and I've had to struggle to step myself from even hinting that my current workplace sucks.
So, its time to breathe and listen to myself think again. To do stuff I've always not had time for - like regular bible study, reading the mountain of books in my shelf, learning to drive, start pilates classes, learn tap dancing perhaps, building back some gd habits I've lost. Forgive the people I need to forgive, and spend time with the people I love and build back some of the relationships in my life that have been broken as a result of my complaining or perceived judgement of them. I want to come back to loving people and rebuilding the confidence I've lost in myself as a result. I needed the time to explore and figure out what I really want to do. I also really want to close this chapter in my life and start a new one - its been a tremondous 2 years, and this phase is ending. I can feel it in my bones.
Here's where I want to testify of God's sheer goodness and grace. I was concerned about leaving without a job, and not knowing what I want to do in the next few years. I was afraid that the searching would come to nowhere, and I'd reach a pt of desperation and end up compromising. But in good faith, I randomly applied for jobs I saw in the newspapers, whichever tickled my fancy and sounded interesting to me. And guess what? I just got an offer with another organisation I used to only dream of working for. And on a national scale project, which I'd be working with a team to decide on what goes in from ground zero up. This is stuff that'll wake me up all excited for every day. I'm still awed by how God opened that one door, tiny as it might have been (you shld have seen the JD they put on the paper for this job - it was really non-plus!) and hopeless as it might have seemed, but He still opened it, and it turned out to be an amazing highway. His amazing amazing love for me fair surpasses all I can even think of.
So, all in all, I just want to wrap up with a few "Aunt Agony" tips of what I've learnt (or in organisational lingo, "learning points"):
1) Never let anyone's words or opinion tear you apart. Always weigh the criticism, think through and if it is true, take concrete steps towards changing.
2) Whenever one door closes, God really does open another. And never under estimate the size of the door.
3) Don't take your workplace agst out on your loved ones. Just let them know you need to vent, and once its over, get on with your life!
4) Contrary to popular belief, you can find extremely good friends at work.
5) Leave a workplace if its tearing you apart despite you trying repeatedly to work at making things better. Esp when it comes to verbal abuse - its like going home to a spouse who's physically abusing you. NOT GOOD. WALK AWAY.
6) Always always forgive the people you need to forgive. Nothing they've ever done is beyond forgiving, not even if your ex-boyfriend cheated on you, lied to you about why he wants to break up with you and eventually marries a Japanese woman a few months later. And complete forgiveness includes loving them - asking them how they are (and you genuinely want to know, doing tasks for them and trusting them again as if they've never hurt/offended you before without having to pretend it.
7) Be careful of smiling tigers at the workplace.
8) Also be careful of extremely lazy supervisors. They're usually wannabe smiling tigers but not nearly as sharp. I usually find ways to expose them, but that's just me. ;-)
9) Never assume that Christian bosses are somehow nicer or will be better. They usually are exactly the reverse. Back-stabbing seems to be a trend though. *huh*
10) No amount of money they pay you is ever worth you selling your soul to the organisation.
11) Bosses do value hard work. Just make sure they see it somewhere down the line as well.
12) Be careful of workplaces where some of the bosses seem to exhibit behaviour of running for political office one day. *wink*
13) Never micro-manage your staff or your vendors. Always treat them with the utmost respect and kindness as far as possible. Coz you never know when the favours will ve returned to you one day.
14) Always draw your boundaries between work and personal life and be clear about it. If not, work almost always usurps up personal space.
15) Working on weekends at home from time to time is ok. Working on weekends at home EVERY weekend is not. Neither is staying in the office every night till 9pm or past midnight.
16) Matrix reporting doesn't work. Classic case of great idea but cannot be realistically implemented.
17) Most organisations are facist in nature, esp in terms of decision-making. Those who claim to be democratic either aren't really, or get nothing done.
18) Always be kind and sincere (or at least try to) towards others. No matter how much you think they don't deserve it or how little they've made you feel.
19) Spend time caring for the people you work and play with. Take a genuine interest in their lives coz it matters.
20) Follow your heart. It can lead you to very unexpected places and people.
Ok, this post is long enough. Ciao!
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