Lunch with (ex) Boss

I was looking forward to today - it was D Day for my overdue farewell lunch with my ex-boss at Equinox. No. I didn't want to meet her to mock her, or go "Aha! Here's the one that got away!" or sponge a free meal out of her for all the labour I've put in for the last few years - no no, none of that. I sincerely wanted to know how she was doing/coping, how my department folks were coping, and to "wrap things up on a good note" to say the least.

So while I was sipping my hot water today at the highest hotel point in Singapore, flipping through my new Style Living magazine (which is quite a read btw - I highly recommend it for those into design elements), doing the lady-of-leisure thing, my ex-boss finally appeared half an hour late, looking exhausted and dishevelled, though happy to see me.

And its no wonder - there was yet another petty quarrel in the office between her and another co-worker on the management team, and the poor woman was accused of being incompetent as a leader when she gave in too much, yet too difficult to work with when she was chose to stood firm. Its like whichever direction she turns, there's no win-win situation. Its emotionally draining when you have to deal daily with co-workers like that - and its been a pretty long 3 years (almost) for her.

So many questions come up for her (which came up for me too when I was still working with them) - What's wrong with that b****? Am I incompetent? What did I do wrong this time? Haven't I tried everything there is already?? What more does she expect of me?? Should I stay on and fight this out, or just call it quits?? Is this a battle I want to pick or can I afford to lose this? But she called my staff a super-b**** - how can I take that sitting down???

We talked about her frustrations, the need to vent, learning to forgive, leadership and mentorship, and the challenges that lie ahead. It was a meaningful conversation. I understand her pain and frustration. I also understand the sheer helplessness that comes with the situation.

All this makes me wonder: how do we deal with difficult people at work effectively? I mean, having to face with their incorrigible tempers or their incompetence every day of our lives, but approaching them with patience and even love, and helping them become better (as they help us become better)? And also, at the end of the day, not becoming bitter about it. I've seen so many of my present and ex-colleagues sway one way or another - either they bail out of the toxic situation early, or they become so embittered that they get dragged into this downward spiral of anger and hate.

Surely there must be a way, or a number of ways to not only manage, but to deal with it positively and powerfully. Not to deny it or pretend its not there, but that safe zone to think, reflect and talk about ways to move ahead. Surely there must be a way to rise above it all, and not let it bring you down. And when is it to bail out and say enough is enough?? How do we know it is the Lord's will for us at this point of time to stand in this horrible place and last it out coz He's teaching us love and patience?

I don't have answers, as I didn't have answers for my ex-boss. What can one do in such a situation???

Perhaps in the face of such sheer helplessness, prayer does have its place after all. Perhaps this is God's megaphone to us, calling us to look up towards the heavens, rather than at our finite selfs.