The roles are reversed - I am Miss Grouch, Miss Kiam Pa, Miss Grumps, whichever way you wanna see it. I feel angry, insecure, unsure and then angry at myself again for feeling that way.
By chance, I found out about something that I wasn't supposed to know of and it bugged me like crazy. It still bugs me, and in so many ways. Made me feel like nothing I ever do is right, that I'm always the loser, and I'll always probably remain the outcast, the one they dislike and bitch about. My defense mechanism tells me - so go ahead, sue me, hate me, bite me. Whatever. I don't care. I don't want to care.
*sigh*
But I know there is a better response, one which I have a hard time choosing to do right now - to forgive and love people, to let go of my right to be angry/bitter. God forgave me when I've hurt Him, when I've not been worthy - no reason why I shouldn't forgiven when I myself have already been forgiven. I know too that there's no point staying mad.
Learning to come to terms with things. Need to let go. *ggggrrrr*
*summons happy thoughts*
Btw, I'm headed to Bali this weekend. *yay* Its a spur of the moment thing, which is quite cool. Always wanted to see Bali. Hopefully it'll soothe the mood.
Trying not to be Miss Grouch.... trying lah.... trying.....
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