The marriage line

Went for a good friend's wedding last night. Think this should be the last in the group of friends for a while to come - thankful that my pocket can finally take a break for a while.... *phew*

It was all nice and sweet, as most weddings go. I know of no weddings that are not. And sometimes tacky/cheesy too, but that's a part of the sweet. All in all, a happy occasion with loads of sabos and nots.

I took a moment for myself as I sat there, watching, eating, listening. And in the midst of wedding bliss, and amongst most friends who are already married, a part of me couldn't help but feel sort of left out. Its almost as there was an invisible line between the marrieds and the singles, one that is illusive to me, and I don't quite know when or how I'd cross over. As if everyone's over on that side already, and I'm left behind on this side, sometimes trying to figure my way across, sometimes just letting things be.

Incredibly lonely journey at times. Especially when you're the last one in the group who's not married. While I can connect with them on married matters (thank God preggie matters aren't exactly on the cards yet!), I can't fully identify with it. I'm just not there yet.

I noe to cross the line takes time and the right person. And I think I try as much as possible to allow myself that, and to enjoy the journey along the way. But from time to time, I feel the need to hurry across the line when panic hits me. Especially when I look at some of my ex-bosses - single women, above 40, who's sole companion is work, a pain to work with, constantly unhappy, with no regard for anyone other than their needs, and unconsciously eminating "neediness". Thinking of them, I get damn scared - will I ever become that??? There's a possibility, a GOOD possibility.

There's something about marriage - even for the most selfish, it forces you to be apart from yourself, looking after only your needs, to care for those of your spouse's as well. There's little way to run away from that, however you choose. It forces you to become a better person, to give in spite of your unwillingness to do so.

Terence: loaned the pic off your website - Hope you dun mind coz its such a great pic! =)