emotionally unavailable?

a conversation i had last night made me realise that i rarely volunteer information about what i'm really feeling with anyone anymore, not even the people closest to me. only in moments of great joy/anger/pain/stress, or when prompted to do so. i've developed a certain guardedness about what i really feel.

i don't know what's happened that's made me this way now. i don't even bother to acknowledge my own feelings to myself, thinking its probably easier to brush that aside and get on with life. i remember when i used to pour my heart out into my journal, every damn thing got written in there - whether it was smart, stupid, funny or weird, heartaches to crushes, i mean literally EVERYTHING. re-reading those books again, it all seemed like silly girlishness. but i remembered too that it was a space where i could be free, where being who i am is enough, a place where i could grow.

i miss that, the emotional honesty, not just to the people around me, but first and foremost to myself. its hard work, and i know it.

i'm thinking it IS time for some hard work. wish me luck.